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We’ve been indulging ourselves with date nights lately. Thanks to willing grandparents and a kid who loves spending time with them, we have been able to go out for nice dinners and some entertainment.

This year, prior to the Oscars, we had seen almost none of the nominated movies so we wanted to go and see at least one of them. One of the lessons of past date nights is to avoid movies that end up being depressing and spoiling the mood. An examples of a past bummer date night movie was Fahrenheit 9/11 (a great movie, but very depressing). We smartly avoided Hotel Rwanda and Million Dollar Baby (we were told that the latter, although a very good movie, had a depressing ending). We also nixed The Aviator because of its running time, avoiding the other problem of barely being able to make it home because we are so tired!

While this date night was not going to be derailed due to poor choice of film, we did have to endure a series of mishaps before even making it to the theater!

• Dog Poop. No, we are not referring to Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (that, at least, would be funny). We were greeting in the morning with the unpleasant evidence of a sick dog. So, after banishing Cookie to the backyard for the day, we had to clean up around the house. We should by stock in the companies that make Fabreeze and Nature’s Miracle.
• Wendy’s Crazy Driving. After leaving Marino’s (see below), Wendy made one of the most reckless U-Turns ever, right in front of ongoing traffic! I closed my eyes and white-knuckled it. We survived, but just barely.
• Ralph’s Butter Fingers. The movie theater at Cerritos Towne Center, or “The TC” as the local kids apparently call it, does not allow outside food or drink and, of course, we stopped at Starbucks on the way in. So, Wendy hid her drink under her jacket and Ralph tried to hide his cappuccino under his shirt only to drop the entire thing right on the floor as he handed the ticket to the ticket-taker! What a moron. (By the way, the movie theater coffee that I bought as a replacement was awful.)

Despite the mishaps, we really enjoyed the movie, Sideways. It is not the mushy romantic comedy that we were expecting and, despite the sad-sack lead character, it was a very fun and interesting movie. If you are at all into wine, especially the California varieties, it is even more interesting. We still want to see a few of the other contenders but, given the circumstances, this was the perfect movie to go and see on a date night before the Oscars.

One other note. We went to dinner at Marino’s Italian Restaurant in Bellflower. Marino’s is one of those great, local, family-owned restaurants that we should go to more often. It is very authentic Italian with great food, wine and service. It’s on Bellflower Blvd., just north of the 91 Freeway. Check it out.

It was President’s Day weekend in Los Angeles and raining cats and dogs. Our friends Keith & Tara (who are referenced often on the pages of tinkleflick.com) had recommended a show up in L.A. called Letting Go of God , a monologue written, produced and starring Julia Sweeney. If you didn’t watch Saturday Night Live in the 1990s, you won’t know Julia Sweeney. If you did, you will know her most famous character, the androgynous Pat. She made a movie with that character, but it bombed and we haven’t heard much from Sweeney since then (she has starred in some direct-to-video movies and the like. (Click here to see her credits.)

Anyway, we decided to take advantage of the three-day weekend, drop Noah off at the grandparents and make a date night out of it. We knew from Keith and Tara, plus some of the reviews, that we would like the show, but I don’t think I even expected to like it as much as I did.

The show is a monologue of Sweeney’s journey to figure out what she really believes about God and religion. She was raised as a Catholic and just believed what she was supposed to believe. It wasn’t until later in her life that she began to apply some critical examination to her beliefs. She takes you through a very funny, yet very personal, examination of the stories in the Bible and through other interpretations of what they mean. After she realizes that Bible just doesn’t make any sense, she looks for other ways to reconcile her belief in God with what the rational and critical side of her brain is telling her.

She obviously put a lot of thought into the matter, studying the brain, the eye, a hilarious trip through the writing of Deepak Chopra and, due to his teachings, a class in quantum mechanics (Deepak is full of shit, by the way) and travels to the Far East for answers from Eastern religion and to the Galapagos Islands and the theories of Charles Darwin. All of this leads her to a conclusion that maybe there isn’t a God and maybe that’s OK. Maybe, it is just nature in all of its randomness that leads us to where we are, maybe there is no human-centric figure directing it all as part of some master plan and maybe that is enough inspiration around which to build a system of moral values.

It is not a religion-bashing or God-bashing monologue at all. Rather, it is a very personal approach to a question that a lot of people of various walks of life are obviously asking themselves. Judging just from the crowd we were a part of, there were people of all ages (many more older people than we expected), a high-school kid with his Mom and so forth. Everyone seemed to enjoy the show, ending with a standing ovation. But don’t take our word for it, read another review of the show here. If you want to get discount tickets, click here and we get a credit for future ticket purchases (hey, all this great tinkleflick.com content ain’t free!)

I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately after reading John Krakauer’s excellent book about the Morman Church and its fundamentalist offspring, Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith. Besides an odd fascination with Mormanism (which plays a role in “Letting Go of God”), I really like John Krakauer who wrote Into Thin Air about the 1996 Everest expedition. Anyway, some of the points that Krakauer makes in his commentary about religion in his examination of the Mormons you can hear from Sweeney. Mainly, the fact that in order to believe in many religions, you need to suspend rational thought because, upon further examination, none of the teachings really make any sense. However, they do offer answers to questions that are difficult or impossible to explain and offer comfort and hope. All of that is fine so long as they aren’t used to oppress people (which, unfortunately, through most of history they have). I came away from Sweeney’s show thinking that it was the first time I have heard anyone make any sense when speaking about these heavy topics and it was refreshing and, in a sense, uplifting to hear it.

Anyway, we’re not big fans of L.A. and, as such, we don’t go there very often. While we were up there, we were going to go to a restaurant in L.A. but it was raining so hard, and freeways were flooding out and such, so we decided to make our way back to Long Beach and go to a known quantity, one of our favorite restaurants Lasher’s. Lasher’s in an old, converted Craftsman home on Broadway near Redondo in Long Beach. It’s great American fare and we highly recommend it if you are looking for a nice night out in Long Beach.

It was President’s Day weekend and it was raining like crazy as one of the biggest storms of the winter came rolling through SoCal. So, we were a bit stir crazy and were looking for something to do. Thankfully, The World’s Greatest Hobby On Tour was in town at the Long Beach Convention Center and we are always on the look-out for the latest and greatest in people watching experiences. Plus, Noah likes trains so it was a no brainer.

We have had the pleasure of some great people watching lately, courtesy of the United States Postal Service and Disneyland; however, the train geeks brought people watching to a whole new level.

Unlike the people at Disneyland and the Post Office, the train geeks seem to have a purpose. They are not just weird for the sake of being weird. They are just really into their hobby and they are delighted to share it with you.

My big takeaway from the train show was that these people appear to spend most of their time working on the scenery that passes by their trains. The trains themselves are purchased and, if you lay down the track, run fairly easily. But, the scenery is a different story. (Check out the photo album that we have to see some of the more amazing scenery). They are amazingly detailed and elaborate, one of them was even a model of a burned-out forest, complete with firefighters, a helicopter and, yes, smoke. The other cool gadget was a little wireless remote camera attached to the train allowing the operator to see what the train sees.

Of course, the most interest thing to watch was the people who were displaying the trains. They were young and old and, for the most part, looked like their time spent working on trains did not allow for any sort of exercise. They all just sat there, running their trains, answering questions, working on more trains and drinking non-diet soda (it took us a while, but we did see at least one group of train geeks that were drinking diet, but it was the exception).

It appeared that half of the show was filled with local train clubs putting their prized possessions on display and the other half was filled with booths where carnies (I now understand where carnies make money in the off-season) tried to sell you train-related items.

Noah was in hog heaven as he wanted to go from one train display to another. He was fascinated by them and, while we encourage his interest, we are going to have to figure out what it takes to make sure that he does not become one of those train geeks or, for that matter, a train-related carnie.

After the train show, we decided to grab some dinner at one of the restaurants at The Pike at Rainbow Harbor, one of Long Beach’s newest shopping and entertainment areas. We have not spent much time at the Pike, so this was a good chance. Wendy was smart to suggest parking at The Aquarium of the Pacific which is right across the street, only a short walk away and half the price. So we walked back toward the car and decided to eat at Gladstone’s. They originally told us the wait was a half-hour and Ralph had to suspend his normal dislike of waits of more than 10 minutes. Noah ran around for a while and that was fine except that the wait turned out to be about an hour. The food was good (not worth an hour wait) and the restaurant has a chain feel (unlike the Malibu location), but we had a nice time. Noah crashed on the way home, probably dreaming about trains…

I have been watching with envy for years as more and more family, friends and co-workers take a Friday off and come back on Monday without their glasses. However, as most of you know, my aversion to risk had so far prevented me from looking into it myself. I was convinced that as the early adopters of this technology aged, their eyeballs would pop out or some other unknown side effect would emerge.

However, at my latest eye exam in December my eye doctor recommended that I at least go for the consultation. My prescription had been steady now for several years and my eyes were healthy so I was a good candidate. Given that some time had gone by, my eye doctor was recommending that I look into and I was tired of buying new glasses, taking them everywhere and just generally dealing with it, I decided to go for the consultation.

My doctor recommended Dr. Thomas Tooma of the TLC Laser Eye Center in Newport Beach. He is supposed to be one of the best doctors in the nation for Lasik and has performed something like 30,000 procedures. Once I went to his place, I can understand why. It is an absolute mill (a very finely appointed mill).

After undergoing a few basic tests, I was greeted by a cheerful, yet professional “patient coordinator” who brought me into an exam room to meet a doctor who examined my eye. I was proclaimed a viable candidate and ushered into the patient coordinator’s office for the sales pitch. Before I knew it, I had a date scheduled to have it done with the upgrades. Yes, that’s right, there are upgrades. With Custom Lasik and Intralase technologies, and after a discount for my insurance, the bill was north of five grand! But, for the best doctor in the country, I was willing to pay.

Fridays are booked far in advance so I decided to book a Monday and take a couple of vacation days for it. We were told to expect a three-hour stay and, as it turned out, it took EXACTLY 3 hours. The Lasik surgery itself only took 45 seconds on one eye and 35 seconds on the other (not including the Intralase procedure).

The Lasik procedure actually reshapes your cornea to correct your vision, but before they can do that they have to slice off the top of your eye so they can do the Lasik underneath. They actually create, what they call, a flap. Traditionally, they have cut the flap with a blade, but now they have a new, very exact and sophisticated technology called “Intralase” which is another laser machine that cuts the flap instead of the blade for an additional fee, of course.

The pre-op procedure (after you pay) takes about an hour. They put drops in your eyes, run all kinds of tests and (the creepiest part of the whole thing) take a marker and write on your eyeball which allows them to line up the laser!!! They give you a half of a Xanax to calm your nerves and usher you into the “laser suite”. You get a chance to meet Dr. Tooma for the first time, although with all the eye drops and Xanax, I didn’t have much to say to the guy other than to wish him good luck.

The Intralase thing took about a minute and then I had to wait about 15 minutes (Dr. Tooma wanted a break and I was not about to deny him that–I’d rather be the first guy AFTER the break than the last guy BEFORE the break). The Lasik machine talks to you as it does its thing. “35 seconds remaining…10 percent complete” and so on. After the laser is done with each eye, he puts the flap back in place and, after the second eye, they tape some shields over your eyes (see the picture) and off you go.

They tell you to keep your eyes closed as much as possible. So, we stopped at Charro Chicken on the way home, I ate a Charro Burrito and off to sleep I went. The Xanax knocked me out until about 5:30 which is right when they told me to take the next Xanax. I did that and slept through until the next morning.

I went to my eye doctor the next morning and had 20/20 vision! The whole thing is amazing. I still have some halos around lights at night time but because I paid extra for Custom Lasik, that is supposed to go away within a few weeks. Wendy says that she is so jealous that she can’t be happy for me, so that’s a pretty good endorsement right there!

I don’t go to the Post Office very often. For the most part, if I need to mail something, I just put a stamp on it and drop it off at the mail room at work. Wendy takes care of sending our packages and she has some high-tech, on-line supply chain management thingy from her days as an eBabe.

Anyway, a week or so ago I found myself in line at the post office on Willow and Broadway. It’s one of those large distribution center post offices where the mail is sorted and big trucks come and go all night. And, it is open late. The windows are open until 7 pm. So, on a rainy Friday night we had some stuff that just required a visit to the post office. After an hour plus commute in the rain, I stopped by the house, picked up the packages and raced off to the post office, getting there just in time only moment before they locked the door.

Once inside the locked door, I had one of the most bizarre people watching experiences since we went to Disneyland a few weeks ago. I was so inspired by the weirdness of the experience that I started writing this article on my Blackberry while standing in line.

And, I had plenty of time to work on the article because there were about 20 people in line ahead of me and about three windows open. It seemed that each person in line had a more far-fetched problem than the person before so it took forever for them to work through the line. Also, it doesn’t help that the post office had installed some of that bullet-proof plexiglass (like they have at some banks) that is very difficult to hear through.

Before I describe all the people, I have to describe the score: there was a TV mounted up on the wall that looked like it normally plays some kind of promotional video or something. This night, though, the TV was picking up a very light signal of a Japanese Shogun-type soap opera. Even with my new Lasik corrected 20/20 vision, I couldn’t read the subtitles but I was oddly drawn to watching it in between watching the people in line.

So, now you have stuck with me for the paragraphs above, now the payoff: the people in line:

• The Extra Nice, Super Tall Biker Dude. This guy was odd in a number of ways. First, he was so tall, I had to look up at him. His long pony tail, which came down to his shoulder blades, was barely at eye level for me. Then, he was way too nice, engaging in pleasant conversation with just about everyone in line (including me…and you know how I like to talk to strangers) when, if he didn’t open his mouth, from the way he looked, you would have thought that he was trying to figure out how to kill the rest of us.
• The Craziest Problem. As far as I could tell, the craziest problem of the group of people in line was the woman who wanted to send 10 very large boxes to England. She, of course, could only carry one of the 10 boxes so she needed them to unlock the door for her and allow here to go back and forth in the rain to bring in the other 9. When the postal employee hesitated at the request, you would have thought that the survival of the human race was, itself, at stake if those boxes did not get in the mail to England on that night. Meanwhile, the rest of us in line were thinking (and the nice biker guy was saying out loud to one of his new friends), “Honey, if you need to mail 10 large boxes to England, don’t show up at the post office on a rainy night 10 minutes before the post office closes!” It was the only thing that the nice biker guy said that even approached a negative tone.
• The Frustrated Small Business Owner. This guy had one of the worst wigs I have ever seen and he had a whole box full of mail that all seemed to (a) require some special form or something and (b) cause him some sort of frustration which, due to the bullet-proof plexiglass, he had to explain to the post office employee loud enough for all of us to share in his pain.
• The Lost Elderly Man. This poor guy was almost to the front of the line when I got there. He waited his turn just to buy a pre-paid stamped envelope (which were available from the vending machines in the lobby) and then stood at one of the counters writing a letter in what looked like very large and hardly legible writing. I was in line for almost a half-hour and he was still there when I left.
• The Woman with Giant Glasses. For those of you who have been following the Boeing scandal involving a former Air Force employee, Darlene Druyun, you will know what I am talking about here. This woman was tiny and her glasses where as big as Darlene Druyun’s glasses, except that her head was about a fifth of the size. She was also a serial gum chewer and every time she chomped on her gum, her glasses would pop up and down. There were a couple of times when I wasn’t watching the Japanese soap opera on the fuzzy TV that I almost laughed out loud at her.
• Ralph. Finally, there was me. After listening, and making fun of all these people, I get to the front of the line and, yes, I have an international package and I hadn’t filled out the form. The postal employee gave me a short lecture about how I am supposed to fill out the form before I get in line and after appropriate apologies, she let me fill out the form while she worked on my other packages. I am sure that the people in line behind me were grabbing for their Blackberries (literally or figuratively) and clicking away about this tall white guy who spent his time watching a Japanese soap opera and laughing at all of the other people who forgot to fill out their forms only so he could make the same mistake when he got to the window.

There is a post-script to this story. As I was walking out of the locked-down area, a man and his son walked up to the guy whose job it is to keep the door to the service areas locked but let the people out who got there before it closed. There’s a big sign with the hours on the door and the postal employee obviously letting people out one at a time and locking the door behind them. In the face of all of this visual evidence, this guy asks the postal employee if he can go inside because he needs to buy a book of stamps…

Well, the Pats won again. At least most of the game was close and the ending was exciting. The Pats defense is just too good and McNabb gave up too many picks. Unfortunately, my attempt to stay home so I could really pay attention to the game was thwarted by my babysitting responsibilities. I was able to keep sort of passing attention between changing diapers, responding to repeated requests from Noah to play with trucks, books, trains, footballs and anything else he thought might distract me from the game. Yes, he got the message and pulled out these two footballs (in Noah-speak, pronounced “bopars”) and posed for a picture; unfortunately, that also meant that he pulled out every other ball in his collection and threw it down the hallway first. Oh well, it was our third SuperBowl Sunday together as father and son and I am looking forward to a lifetime more to follow.

I did manage to keep some notes on the game, so if you want to know my thoughts on SuperBowl XXXIX (thankfully, next year is just XL), here they are:

Pre-Game

• Fox. Ever since they started broadcasting the NFL, they have annoyed me. From the over-the-top graphics to idiots like Terry Bradshaw, their brand of broadcasting is just lame—and that theme song…
• The Radio Shack Pre-Game Show. My satellite was acting up at first so I didn’t start tuning in until about an hour before the game. (Thankfully, I located the loose connection on the cable on the side of the house in time!) I did manage to catch the cheesy tribute to the Declaration of Independence including an appearance by former presidents Bush and Clinton, actors portraying the founding fathers and a bunch of NFL players touting their foundations. I’m not sure what percentage of people were (a) actually paying attention at this point and (b) actually know what the Declaration of Independence is all about—they probably mistook it for a Samuel Adams commercial.
• The Pregame Concert. The pre-game concert was technically part of the Radio Shack Pre-Game Show, but was lame enough to get its own entry on this list. Starting with shit kickin’ country music star Gretchen Wilson just highlighted the fact that the SuperBowl was being staged in NASCAR’s redneck backyard instead of the old days when it was held in one of about four nice-weather climate locations (hmmm…might the NFL brass be just a little worried about that emerging NASCAR threat?). Wilson was joined by Charlie Daniels who is an admittedly legitimate old school country guy but you gotta wonder how much longer he’s going to milk that ridiculous “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” song? Next up: The Black Eyed Peas who, according to the announcer, have been nominated for Grammys but who appear to have about as much talent as a bag of their namesake vegetable. Much like Gretchen Wilson, the Black Eyed Peas were in desperate need of some credibility so they were joined by an old school act milking their own name into their old aged just like Charlie Daniels, Earth Wind and Fire. Ever present during these silly performances is a fake crowd of fans who were wearing cowboy hats during the first part and amazingly seemed to be hip-hop fans for the second half. Coincidence? I think not. Overall, this year’s pre-game show was actually better than last year, but not by much—I am still somewhat embarrassed to be an American when I watch crap like this.
• Anhueser Bush’s Ads Claiming to be Fighting Teen Drinking. Come on. Who are they fooling?
• America the Beautiful. OK, I’ll give them props for “America the Beautiful” rendition performed by Alicia Keyes and the kids from the school for the blind. Kind of difficult to find fault with that. Well, difficult but not impossible: I didn’t need Will Smith (star of the upcoming film, “Hitch”) product placement introduction.
• Player Introductions. The player introductions were amazingly weak mainly because there were no player introductions. Fox used lame pre-recorded celebrity bits for each team followed by the players just running out of giant helmets with some fireworks and such but no names of any players. What happened to the days when the P.A. announcer named the starters before kickoff?
• House. Among the lame things about Fox’s football coverage is having to watch the previews of their shows, particular the new shows. Has anyone watched “House” on Fox? From the previews during football, it looks terrible.
• Presentation of the Colors/Salute to the Greatest Generation. OK, it’s been 60 years since the end of WWII. Fine, but Michael Douglas? What!?!? Why? What does two-time Oscar winner Michael Douglas have to do with anything? He was Gordon Gecko and that’s cool but this was not a salute to Wall Street greed…or was it? The salute to the military units around the world was cool.
• National Anthem—Finally No Product Placement! The military academy choirs performed the national anthem and, amazingly, there was no product placement, no Grammy nominees, no Oscar winners, no washed-out celebrities trying to milk their names—just a great performance of the national anthem! The NFL must have grudgingly decided to respect at least the National Anthem. And…no visible wardrobe malfunction.

The Game

Oh, that’s right. The SuperBowl does, in fact, include the NFL championship football game among all the other hype.

• First Quarter. Sharpie nonsense aside, T.O. deserves his money. What a difference maker this guy can be for his team. And, all of that with pins and a plate in his ankle implanted six weeks ago! The Eagles were very lucky to get out of the first quarter without a New England score given all of the turnovers. McNabb was lucky that he didn’t give up more turnovers himself. There was a fumble that was overturned, an interception that was nullified by a penalty and a couple of other close calls. Note to self: watching the SuperBowl with a 2-year-old is not necessarily the best way to enjoy the game.
• Second Quarter. The 0-0 tie was broken on a good drive by the Eagles—you just can’t give McNabb that much time! I guess T.O. can be a decoy after all—he clearly created the opportunity for L.J. Smith! As good as the Pats are on defense, they have an amazing ability to put together strong, consistent drives and score when they’re behind. After earning a time-out for throwing a Cheerios-related fit, Noah was better behaved in during the second quarter leading to a better game-watching experience for the two touchdowns. We have a tie game going into the second half—it’s turning out to be a really good game. The #2 and #3 defenses came to play today!
• The Halftime ShowThe SuperBowl halftime show has a long, stupid history; however, without the excitement of last year’s Janet Jackson boob incident, all that was left was, amazingly, a pretty good concert. The NFL clearly decided on, and got, a non-controversial big name star in Paul McCartney. I didn’t expect much, and it was pretty basic, but it was nice to finally see a decent musical act at halftime even if Sir Paul can just phone in those songs anymore (and he probably got a few million dollars per minute for his effort—not a bad gig if you are an ex-Beatle and you can get it; Ringo next year?). The show was sponsored by Ameriquest Mortgage, the nemesis of Ralph’s current employer, New Century Financial Corp. just 48 hours after the nasty Los Angeles Times hit piece on Ameriquest’s predatory lending practices (the timing was a coincidence, I’m sure).
• Third Quarter. There was a clear momentum change towards the Pats and I was beginning to fear what felt like an inevitable Pats win. I am still mad at Bill Belichick for failing to call pass plays to Andre Rison while Belichick was the coach of the Browns and I had Rison on my fantasy team back in the mid-90s, but I have got to give him credit for putting this team together and winning as much as he has. The Eagles fought right back to tie it at 14 turning this into one of the better SuperBowls by the end of the third quarter. I had the Pats 7, Philly 4 square and was really hoping that the Pats would break the tie with a field goal at the end of the quarter which would have been worth $250 for me. Damn!
• Fourth Quarter. You just can’t turn the ball over like that and McNabb’s second pick of the game could not have come at a worse time for the Eagles. The only thing saving the game at this point was hope that the Pats only score another field goal making my 7/4 pool box worth something again. The Eagles were able to stay in the game because of their defense but McNabb was not up to par this time around. The ending turned out to be fairly exciting and Noah was distracted by one of his favorite toys, so it was not all bad.
• Trophy Presentation. Didn’t watch it.

The SuperBowl Ads

And now, the moment you have all been waiting for. The tinkleflick.com SuperBowl advertisement awards. May I have the envelope, please…

• Best SuperBowl Ad Award: FedEx Kinko’s. This was by far the best ad of the game. The top 10 things that a good SuperBowl ad needs including Burt Reynolds. Brilliant!
• Runner Up: Bud Light Parachute. The Bud Light parachute ad was “laugh out loud” funny. Noah couldn’t figure out why I was laughing—I actually rewound it and watched it again. The parachute instructor, trying to convince a scared student into jumping out of the pace throws a six pack of Bud Light out only to have the pilot jump out after it instead. Very funny.
• Dumbest New Product Award: Pizza Hut. How many more product extensions can they possibly create out of a pizza? This year’s entry: dippin’ strips—pizza sliced into strips and delivered with three dipping sauces and being pitched by the Muppets. Whatever—gimmicks cannot hide the fact that their pizza still sucks.
• Just Didn’t Work Award: McDonald’s Lincoln Fry. Nothing about the family that found a McDonald’s freedom fry that resembled someone was funny. In fact, it just reminded me of the scene on the DVD for “Supersize Me” where McDonald’s fries, left untouched in a jar for 8 week, appeared as if they had just been purchased.
• Waste of Ad Money Award: Will Smith’s New Movie, “Hitch”. The new Will Smith vehicle movie, where he apparently is some kind of consultant to make stupid white guys look attractive, looks just terrible. No amount of SuperBowl ads can save a stinker like that. Of course, now that I say it, it will probably make $300 million in domestic box office and win Smith an Oscar.
• The Most Obscure Celebrity Award: Lays Potato Chips. The ultimate washed-up celebrity appearance: M.C. Hammer.
• Most Repeated Ad Award: Ford Mustang Convertible. OK, the new Mustang is cool but the spring release of the convertible would have been justified with one airing of the ad (which wasn’t that great anyway).

Well, folks that’s it. The game was pretty good but the outcome was sadly inevitable. Hopefully, NFL parity will hit the Pats at some point but, for now, we have another year of looking at Belichick’s ugly mug while the announcers proclaim him a genius. He’s clearly a Hall of Famer, as is Brady, so I guess I should just stop complaining about it and get on with my life. Until next year…

For those of you who partied in the 80s in Long Beach, there were a few key locations where you probably left some brain cells on the table. Barwinkles and Bogart’s in Marina Pacifica, the bars making up the 2nd Street Shuffle (such as Murphy’s, the Belmont Station and the A.I.), the really crude places like the Honey Bucket and the 49er Tavern, just to name a few. But the 80s also were known for dressing up and going to clubs. The most common of the clubs catering to the “see and be seen” hook-up crowd was the Red Onion but the “high class” name of the bunch was Bentley’s.

You know the place we’re talking about—it’s on the corner of PCH and Loynes and it used to have a large white car, a Bentley, inside that you could see through the window. If you were weren’t dressed up like Don Johnson, you didn’t really need to go to Bentley’s but it was, for its time, one of the places to be in the area for that kind of thing.

Bentley’s didn’t survive the cultural changes brought on first by those crap hairbands of the very late 80s and early 90s (e.g., Warrant, Poison, White Snake, etc.) and then the Nirvana/Starbucks driven grunge movement. Those changes torpedoed dressing up and dancing and drinking (at the very least) all night to Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark. After Bentley’s closed, the location was dead for a while. It later became a place called, and we’re not joking, Live Bait which appeared to be kind of a rent-a-frat-party place that made even the Red Onion look classy. It was run down and sad and we don’t really know anyone who ever went there. It was most recently called “The Pier” but that just looked like Live Bait with a name change.

The location on PCH near Marina Pacifica is great, so it is amazing that it hasn’t been cleaned up sooner. Recently, someone finally tore down the fake fishing boat entrance (complete with a fake shark–don’t ask), put a new coat of paint on it and turned it into The Gaslamp Restaurant and Bar. (Click here to read a review from the Long Beach Press Telegram.)

We joined our friends Keith and Tara and a few of their friends for Tara’s birthday this last Saturday. Having deposited the children for overnight stays with relatives, we were free to enjoy some after-dinner entertainment and we thought we’d make our way over to the grand opening weekend of the Gaslamp.

Considering that we were sitting at a table in Bentley’s, we must have been overtaken by party-going ghosts of the 80s. While we waited for the entertainment to start, this group of 30-somethings out for a night of fun without kids immediately put in a drink order that would have made any 80s old-timer proud. Our waiter, Ryan (kind of a taller Billy Joe Armstrong that Wendy and Tara couldn’t stop talking about), took our order of shots, martinis, other cocktails and a coffee for Ralph. Most of our party, at one time or another, even took turns going out to the patio to smoke cloves!!! It really was like a trip back to the 80s minus the music, the clothes, the hair and, as far as I could tell, any illegal substances!

Which brings us to Phil Shane.

I’m not going to go into all the details about Phil Shane because he has his own website that you really owe it to yourself to check out. When we were first told about the plans for the evening, we were under the impression that we would be going to see a midget Elvis impersonator. Intrigued, yet horrified, we agreed. While not exactly a midget, Phil was barely tall enough to see over the railing behind which he was performing. However, once he started, he did not really stop for over 2 hours (and he was still going when we left). He is a one-man show with a Midi machine taller than he is and he covers the likes of Elvis, Neil Diamond and other well-worn cover tunes of the 50s, 60s, 70s and even 80s rock (according to his web-site, his song list includes over 2,000 tunes) while making costume changes on stage and playing a little bit of guitar. He’s been on the cover of OC Weekly, snagging the #7 spot on that publication’s “Top 129 Bands in OC” in 2003! He has been playing lounge gigs since the 1970s and has developed quite a big following in Organge County. His success has taken him all the way to Vegas where he now has a regular lounge gig. If you are into cheesy Vegas-style lounge acts that are a lot of fun, do what you can to catch one of Phil’s shows.

The crowd was a really interesting mix of older people who looked like they would be board listening to Jazz at Spaghettini and a bunch of young fake-ID types who, while having fun, probably would not have been there had Green Day been in town. While not quite the train wreck of a people watching experience that you get at The Starting Gate across from the Los Alamitos race track, if you weren’t watching Phil bump and grind to an old Elvis or Neil Diamond song, there was plenty of other visual entertainment worth the price of a few drinks.

We had a great time and we highly suggest for those of you interested that you check out a Phil Shane show the next time he’s in town (or in Vegas if you find yourself there).

Happy Birthday Tara!

For 21¹ glorious weeks every in the fall and winter, the NFL^TM rules Sundays at tinkelflick manor. Here we are now at the end of January and the NFL^TM season has sadly ended for another year (OK, the SuperBowl^TM has yet to be played but for dramatic effect this article assumes it is over already). That means Sundays are available for alternative entertainment.

The tinkleflick clan decided to spend NFL^TM hype Sunday being entertained at the flagship destination of another of America’s over-hyped brands, Disney^TM. Noah is just old enough to be overstimulated by the massive cross-selling magic of Disneyland^TM, so we thought: how better to take our minds off of our lack-of-football induced despair than to spend a crisp, sunny Sunday So Cal morning at Disneyland^TM?² Click here to see the photo album.

We started off our stay at the Magic Kingdom^TM in a short line at the world’s largest parking garage (the great unwashed have to pay $10 but we have an annual pass with our parking prepaid so we have been desensitized to the sting of the cost of parking). We were courteously directed to what our friend Keith calls the “bad side of the parking garage.” After participating in a mass stroller assembly with the other 50 or so station wagons and SUVs, we made our way to the world’s largest escalator toward the tram station where we waited in another line for the tram.

Next up: the “arrival plaza” where Ralph stood in line to renew his pass. He opted for the Disney^TM Southern California Co-Branding Joint Venture Pass^TM. This pass allows the tinkleflick family of companies to share in marketing gold (uh, I mean magic) that is Disney^TM. We are authorized to enjoy 277 days of Disneyland^TM entertainment and write articles for our website. Noah did his part too by wearing Disney^TM diapers and Wendy wore her Disney^TM hat (all part of the co-branding joint venture).

$150 lighter and almost 45 minutes into the trip we made our way to stand in line for Disney’s California Adventure^TM. It was here that we realized the true power of the Disneyland^TM experience. The rides? The chacters? The remarkably cheerful teenagers? Nah–the highest density of weird people on the planet all in one place at one time is an absolutely mezmerizing entertainment experience!

California Adventure^TM is actually a good choice for those of you in SoCal. It’s much more laid back and far less crowded than its bigger sibling on the other side of the arrival plaza. For the same $50 admission price and far fewer things to do and see, it seems unlikely that California Adventure^TM is making any money for His Mouseness but it sure is a good place for all the So Cal people to hang out and enjoy an otherwise sad hype-week Sunday while the crazy people from elsewhere go to Disneyland^TM.

We let Noah run free for a while, went to the Brother Bear^TM play area for a while before heading to, yes, another line for the Jim Henson’s^TM Playhouse Disney^TM show featuring live performances of Bear in the Big Blue House^TM and some other odd characters that this reporter simply did not recognize. Noah was coming unglued in the moments leading up to the show (having been standing in line for the prior 15 minutes watching Playhouse Disney^TM clips on a large TV screen set up for the purpose of creating a whole new generation of Disney^TM consumers) but when the lights went out and the peppy multi-ethnic young adult host, Jamie, came bouncing out to lead a quick but action filled show Noah was captivated. Of course, Disney^TM knows its consumers and ended the show with (what else?) but bubbles falling from the ceiling. On our way out Jamie made sure to let us know that we could see all of these characters on Playhouse Disney^TM and at www.playhousedisney.com.

Anyway, we had lunch and headed back to the arrival plaza to board the tram back to the world’s largest parking garage. On the way back we passed all the kids who showed up AFTER their morning nap as we were on our way to let Noah take his afternoon nap. Life, as we know it, is now much less about football or anything else and much more dominated by nap schedules and that’s a good thing.

We had a really good time at the Magic Kingdom^TM and we are hoping that the co-branding joint venture passes will bring us 277 days of pure magic.

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¹17 weeks of regular season, plus four weeks of playoffs (including the SuperBowl). Excludes the hype-week.
²Ralph argued for watching a SuperBowl highlight marathon on ESPN Classic, but his request was denied.