Well, the Pats won again. At least most of the game was close and the ending was exciting. The Pats defense is just too good and McNabb gave up too many picks. Unfortunately, my attempt to stay home so I could really pay attention to the game was thwarted by my babysitting responsibilities. I was able to keep sort of passing attention between changing diapers, responding to repeated requests from Noah to play with trucks, books, trains, footballs and anything else he thought might distract me from the game. Yes, he got the message and pulled out these two footballs (in Noah-speak, pronounced “bopars”) and posed for a picture; unfortunately, that also meant that he pulled out every other ball in his collection and threw it down the hallway first. Oh well, it was our third SuperBowl Sunday together as father and son and I am looking forward to a lifetime more to follow.
I did manage to keep some notes on the game, so if you want to know my thoughts on SuperBowl XXXIX (thankfully, next year is just XL), here they are:
Pre-Game
- Fox. Ever since they started broadcasting the NFL, they have annoyed me. From the over-the-top graphics to idiots like Terry Bradshaw, their brand of broadcasting is just lame—and that theme song…
- The Radio Shack Pre-Game Show. My satellite was acting up at first so I didn’t start tuning in until about an hour before the game. (Thankfully, I located the loose connection on the cable on the side of the house in time!) I did manage to catch the cheesy tribute to the Declaration of Independence including an appearance by former presidents Bush and Clinton, actors portraying the founding fathers and a bunch of NFL players touting their foundations. I’m not sure what percentage of people were (a) actually paying attention at this point and (b) actually know what the Declaration of Independence is all about—they probably mistook it for a Samuel Adams commercial.
- The Pregame Concert. The pre-game concert was technically part of the Radio Shack Pre-Game Show, but was lame enough to get its own entry on this list. Starting with shit kickin’ country music star Gretchen Wilson just highlighted the fact that the SuperBowl was being staged in NASCAR’s redneck backyard instead of the old days when it was held in one of about four nice-weather climate locations (hmmm…might the NFL brass be just a little worried about that emerging NASCAR threat?). Wilson was joined by Charlie Daniels who is an admittedly legitimate old school country guy but you gotta wonder how much longer he’s going to milk that ridiculous “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” song? Next up: The Black Eyed Peas who, according to the announcer, have been nominated for Grammys but who appear to have about as much talent as a bag of their namesake vegetable. Much like Gretchen Wilson, the Black Eyed Peas were in desperate need of some credibility so they were joined by an old school act milking their own name into their old aged just like Charlie Daniels, Earth Wind and Fire. Ever present during these silly performances is a fake crowd of fans who were wearing cowboy hats during the first part and amazingly seemed to be hip-hop fans for the second half. Coincidence? I think not. Overall, this year’s pre-game show was actually better than last year, but not by much—I am still somewhat embarrassed to be an American when I watch crap like this.
- Anhueser Bush’s Ads Claiming to be Fighting Teen Drinking. Come on. Who are they fooling?
- America the Beautiful. OK, I’ll give them props for “America the Beautiful” rendition performed by Alicia Keyes and the kids from the school for the blind. Kind of difficult to find fault with that. Well, difficult but not impossible: I didn’t need Will Smith (star of the upcoming film, “Hitch”) product placement introduction.
- Player Introductions. The player introductions were amazingly weak mainly because there were no player introductions. Fox used lame pre-recorded celebrity bits for each team followed by the players just running out of giant helmets with some fireworks and such but no names of any players. What happened to the days when the P.A. announcer named the starters before kickoff?
- House. Among the lame things about Fox’s football coverage is having to watch the previews of their shows, particular the new shows. Has anyone watched “House” on Fox? From the previews during football, it looks terrible.
- Presentation of the Colors/Salute to the Greatest Generation. OK, it’s been 60 years since the end of WWII. Fine, but Michael Douglas? What!?!? Why? What does two-time Oscar winner Michael Douglas have to do with anything? He was Gordon Gecko and that’s cool but this was not a salute to Wall Street greed…or was it? The salute to the military units around the world was cool.
- National Anthem—Finally No Product Placement! The military academy choirs performed the national anthem and, amazingly, there was no product placement, no Grammy nominees, no Oscar winners, no washed-out celebrities trying to milk their names—just a great performance of the national anthem! The NFL must have grudgingly decided to respect at least the National Anthem. And…no visible wardrobe malfunction.
The Game
Oh, that’s right. The SuperBowl does, in fact, include the NFL championship football game among all the other hype.
- First Quarter. Sharpie nonsense aside, T.O. deserves his money. What a difference maker this guy can be for his team. And, all of that with pins and a plate in his ankle implanted six weeks ago! The Eagles were very lucky to get out of the first quarter without a New England score given all of the turnovers. McNabb was lucky that he didn’t give up more turnovers himself. There was a fumble that was overturned, an interception that was nullified by a penalty and a couple of other close calls. Note to self: watching the SuperBowl with a 2-year-old is not necessarily the best way to enjoy the game.
- Second Quarter. The 0-0 tie was broken on a good drive by the Eagles—you just can’t give McNabb that much time! I guess T.O. can be a decoy after all—he clearly created the opportunity for L.J. Smith! As good as the Pats are on defense, they have an amazing ability to put together strong, consistent drives and score when they’re behind. After earning a time-out for throwing a Cheerios-related fit, Noah was better behaved in during the second quarter leading to a better game-watching experience for the two touchdowns. We have a tie game going into the second half—it’s turning out to be a really good game. The #2 and #3 defenses came to play today!
- The Halftime ShowThe SuperBowl halftime show has a long, stupid history; however, without the excitement of last year’s Janet Jackson boob incident, all that was left was, amazingly, a pretty good concert. The NFL clearly decided on, and got, a non-controversial big name star in Paul McCartney. I didn’t expect much, and it was pretty basic, but it was nice to finally see a decent musical act at halftime even if Sir Paul can just phone in those songs anymore (and he probably got a few million dollars per minute for his effort—not a bad gig if you are an ex-Beatle and you can get it; Ringo next year?). The show was sponsored by Ameriquest Mortgage, the nemesis of Ralph’s current employer, New Century Financial Corp. just 48 hours after the nasty Los Angeles Times hit piece on Ameriquest’s predatory lending practices (the timing was a coincidence, I’m sure).
- Third Quarter. There was a clear momentum change towards the Pats and I was beginning to fear what felt like an inevitable Pats win. I am still mad at Bill Belichick for failing to call pass plays to Andre Rison while Belichick was the coach of the Browns and I had Rison on my fantasy team back in the mid-90s, but I have got to give him credit for putting this team together and winning as much as he has. The Eagles fought right back to tie it at 14 turning this into one of the better SuperBowls by the end of the third quarter. I had the Pats 7, Philly 4 square and was really hoping that the Pats would break the tie with a field goal at the end of the quarter which would have been worth $250 for me. Damn!
- Fourth Quarter. You just can’t turn the ball over like that and McNabb’s second pick of the game could not have come at a worse time for the Eagles. The only thing saving the game at this point was hope that the Pats only score another field goal making my 7/4 pool box worth something again. The Eagles were able to stay in the game because of their defense but McNabb was not up to par this time around. The ending turned out to be fairly exciting and Noah was distracted by one of his favorite toys, so it was not all bad.
- Trophy Presentation. Didn’t watch it.
The SuperBowl Ads
And now, the moment you have all been waiting for. The tinkleflick.com SuperBowl advertisement awards. May I have the envelope, please…
- Best SuperBowl Ad Award: FedEx Kinko’s. This was by far the best ad of the game. The top 10 things that a good SuperBowl ad needs including Burt Reynolds. Brilliant!
- Runner Up: Bud Light Parachute. The Bud Light parachute ad was “laugh out loud” funny. Noah couldn’t figure out why I was laughing—I actually rewound it and watched it again. The parachute instructor, trying to convince a scared student into jumping out of the pace throws a six pack of Bud Light out only to have the pilot jump out after it instead. Very funny.
- Dumbest New Product Award: Pizza Hut. How many more product extensions can they possibly create out of a pizza? This year’s entry: dippin’ strips—pizza sliced into strips and delivered with three dipping sauces and being pitched by the Muppets. Whatever—gimmicks cannot hide the fact that their pizza still sucks.
- Just Didn’t Work Award: McDonald’s Lincoln Fry. Nothing about the family that found a McDonald’s freedom fry that resembled someone was funny. In fact, it just reminded me of the scene on the DVD for “Supersize Me” where McDonald’s fries, left untouched in a jar for 8 week, appeared as if they had just been purchased.
- Waste of Ad Money Award: Will Smith’s New Movie, “Hitch”. The new Will Smith vehicle movie, where he apparently is some kind of consultant to make stupid white guys look attractive, looks just terrible. No amount of SuperBowl ads can save a stinker like that. Of course, now that I say it, it will probably make $300 million in domestic box office and win Smith an Oscar.
- The Most Obscure Celebrity Award: Lays Potato Chips. The ultimate washed-up celebrity appearance: M.C. Hammer.
- Most Repeated Ad Award: Ford Mustang Convertible. OK, the new Mustang is cool but the spring release of the convertible would have been justified with one airing of the ad (which wasn’t that great anyway).
Well, folks that’s it. The game was pretty good but the outcome was sadly inevitable. Hopefully, NFL parity will hit the Pats at some point but, for now, we have another year of looking at Belichick’s ugly mug while the announcers proclaim him a genius. He’s clearly a Hall of Famer, as is Brady, so I guess I should just stop complaining about it and get on with my life. Until next year…